And then, a few days after more than a year had passed, the final acceptance came. It dawned on me that, with my own special qualities, I would go through life as a new, different, but certainly no lesser Ichika. a lovingly mild rest, which deeply moved me, filled me and gave me the certainty to definitively shape my new life myself. Since Ichika's parents died early, and both parents were only children, I was completely free to realize this. I then decided to take up a study as a head nurse and at the same time a study to become a nursing nurse. During my studies I met Arthur, who, as one of the few men in this profession, did the same studies as I did. We clicked immediately, and after our studies we started working at the same nursing home. A little over a year later we got married, the wedding was modest, but very cozy. Shortly before that, we could have bought a somewhat older, but detached house, for a modest price - not least because there was still a lot of work to be done! Over the years, our family expanded to include two daughters and a son. Just the memory of the experience of bringing our children into the world, nursing and caring for them, still evokes moving memories for me, if only because of the intense intimacy. Eventually they too reached the age when they "leave the nest and fly out", they began to shape their lives in their own unique way. And then came that one special day that I could never have imagined would ever come. All my memories of the "special past" had long ago sunk into absolute oblivion. A new patient was brought into our nursing home that day. It concerned a wheelchair-bound man, who had a spinal cord injury as a result of a serious accident. This new patient also suffered from early dementia. All this resulted in both Arthur and I being assigned to this patient. Arthur was to do the reception and first acquaintance with this patient, and so it happened. - Tom -
To my surprise, however, after fifteen minutes I was called by Arthur, who asked me to visit him and our new guest. When I got to him, I asked what was going on. He pointed to our guest and said, "This guy is not responding to anything, he's actually quite lethargic, but he's already mumbled something twice, which I don't understand." "Then what?" I asked. He said, "I'm sorry, Ichika, I'm sorry." Not understanding, I walked a little further, so that I could see the face of our guest. Then I saw him, and it was as if I had been punched in the stomach and at the same time a sledgehammer blow to my face. That face.....! Arthur saw the bewilderment on my face, and asked, "Ichika, do you perhaps know this man from your past?" Then I couldn't take it anymore and started to cry. Arthur comforted me as best he could, and when I had calmed down a bit I told him the whole story, and when I was done I saw the emotion in his face. Still holding my hands, he kissed me first on the eyes, then on my mouth. A wave of emotion washed over us both. After we both came to our senses, we did a few tests with our patient. It turned out that the lethargy was complete, there was no longer any question of individual consciousness. Only the occasional muttered words were a brief flash of what was once his humanity. We cared for him for another three years, then he was really tired and passed away. There was no trace of family (anymore), the only people present at his cremation. The following night I had a very special dream, the details of which have escaped me, but what stayed with me most of all was this: there was a warm, human voice in that dream, which resembled the voice of the deceased, and that expressed sincere gratitude for our care of him. An intense feeling of enveloping gratitude filled me, and when I mentioned this to Arthur the next morning, it turned out that he had had the same dream. We were moved to see the sun rise on this early summer day, the overwhelming splendor of colors embraced and warmed us. these precious memories we would cherish to the end of our days .... . - Tom -
As a lover of fairy tales I remain confident that the fulfillment of a heart's desire no one will regret: shooting star, though you are so far, Will grant my request And change me forever into the woman I always want to be: a sweet, slightly plump, curvy, fertile, attractive Chinese or Japanese leather woman with long, black hair. Help me to acquire my own dear husband immediately afterwards, and to receive with him three children, all three of whom I will give birth to naturally myself, and whom we will raise together in love. This is my heart's desire, allow me to receive the fulfillment, and to give my love to all whom I will unconditionally conceive with love.... . - Tom -
And then, a few days after more than a year had passed, the final acceptance came. It dawned on me that, with my own special qualities, I would go through life as a new, different, but certainly no lesser Ichika. a lovingly mild rest, which deeply moved me, filled me and gave me the certainty to definitively shape my new life myself. Since Ichika's parents died early, and both parents were only children, I was completely free to realize this. I then decided to take up a study as a head nurse and at the same time a study to become a nursing nurse.
ReplyDeleteDuring my studies I met Arthur, who, as one of the few men in this profession, did the same studies as I did. We clicked immediately, and after our studies we started working at the same nursing home. A little over a year later we got married, the wedding was modest, but very cozy. Shortly before that, we could have bought a somewhat older, but detached house, for a modest price - not least because there was still a lot of work to be done!
Over the years, our family expanded to include two daughters and a son. Just the memory of the experience of bringing our children into the world, nursing and caring for them, still evokes moving memories for me, if only because of the intense intimacy. Eventually they too reached the age when they "leave the nest and fly out", they began to shape their lives in their own unique way.
And then came that one special day that I could never have imagined would ever come. All my memories of the "special past" had long ago sunk into absolute oblivion. A new patient was brought into our nursing home that day. It concerned a wheelchair-bound man, who had a spinal cord injury as a result of a serious accident. This new patient also suffered from early dementia. All this resulted in both Arthur and I being assigned to this patient. Arthur was to do the reception and first acquaintance with this patient, and so it happened. - Tom -
To my surprise, however, after fifteen minutes I was called by Arthur, who asked me to visit him and our new guest. When I got to him, I asked what was going on. He pointed to our guest and said, "This guy is not responding to anything, he's actually quite lethargic, but he's already mumbled something twice, which I don't understand." "Then what?" I asked. He said, "I'm sorry, Ichika, I'm sorry." Not understanding, I walked a little further, so that I could see the face of our guest. Then I saw him, and it was as if I had been punched in the stomach and at the same time a sledgehammer blow to my face. That face.....! Arthur saw the bewilderment on my face, and asked, "Ichika, do you perhaps know this man from your past?" Then I couldn't take it anymore and started to cry. Arthur comforted me as best he could, and when I had calmed down a bit I told him the whole story, and when I was done I saw the emotion in his face. Still holding my hands, he kissed me first on the eyes, then on my mouth. A wave of emotion washed over us both. After we both came to our senses, we did a few tests with our patient. It turned out that the lethargy was complete, there was no longer any question of individual consciousness. Only the occasional muttered words were a brief flash of what was once his humanity.
ReplyDeleteWe cared for him for another three years, then he was really tired and passed away. There was no trace of family (anymore), the only people present at his cremation. The following night I had a very special dream, the details of which have escaped me, but what stayed with me most of all was this: there was a warm, human voice in that dream, which resembled the voice of the deceased, and that expressed sincere gratitude for our care of him. An intense feeling of enveloping gratitude filled me, and when I mentioned this to Arthur the next morning, it turned out that he had had the same dream. We were moved to see the sun rise on this early summer day, the overwhelming splendor of colors embraced and warmed us. these precious memories we would cherish to the end of our days .... . - Tom -
As a lover of fairy tales I remain confident that the fulfillment of a heart's desire no one will regret: shooting star, though you are so far, Will grant my request And change me forever into the woman I always want to be: a sweet, slightly plump, curvy, fertile, attractive Chinese or Japanese leather woman with long, black hair. Help me to acquire my own dear husband immediately afterwards, and to receive with him three children, all three of whom I will give birth to naturally myself, and whom we will raise together in love. This is my heart's desire, allow me to receive the fulfillment, and to give my love to all whom I will unconditionally conceive with love.... . - Tom -
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